PROC SQL Running

Conversations from the internet.

By Beenplumb.
  • me: sorry again for sending you a picture of my butt last night :(
  • Caitlin: hahaha
  • i didn't even realize it was a butt
  • me: ... well that cats out of the bag now
  • Caitlin: you tryna send that to Liz?
  • me: yeah she's pretty into that kinda stuff
  • Caitlin: nuts to butts allllllll day
  • me: lolol yup this is going on my blog
  • Caitlin: i made it!?
  • me: ding ding ding! you're a winner!
  • Caitlin: dreams do come true!
  • ____________________________________________________
  • I'm laughing now, but the bruise looks like the eye of Sauron

Ants

  • Kelsey: i feel like i know what you're going to say to this question
  • but
  • should i not text jeff anymore?
  • like unless he texts me?
  • me: 100% do not text him
  • Kelsey: :(
  • me: I know
  • Kelsey: but what if he never texts me again evverrrr
  • me: then he's a bastard and he doesn't deserve to be texted by you
  • if I had a dollar for every girl who I wished would text me back I'd be a wealthy man
  • alas
  • dating is a cruel child wielding a magnifying glass, and we are ants
  • Kelsey: yeah it's dumb
  • ___________________________________________________
  • So are we.

MFH

  • me: you back in the office?
  • Kelsey: MFH
  • didn't get in until 3
  • me: what is mfh
  • mathing from home?
  • Kelsey: lol
  • clearly i'm mell rested
  • me: hahaha
  • Kelsey: sometimes i feel like i have mild dyslexia
  • me: I get that sometimes
  • mostly with typics
  • typics?????
  • Typing*
  • maybe we should both be mfw
  • ________________________________
  • Every day is a constant smruggle

Ants in my Pants

  • Nate: i just went to get coffee
  • and there is a middle schooler there
  • and she goes 'you have ants all over you'
  • and i was like 'where'
  • and she goes 'your backside'
  • 1) why was a middle schooler looking at my butt
  • 2) perfect opportunity to say i have ants in my pants
  • _________________________________________
  • That is all.

The Brutality of Technology

  • me: hey maybe his car just exploded and he's dead
  • would you know?
  • Kelsey: yes
  • we text over this app that lets you see the last time the person was using it
  • me: God technology is brutal
  • Facebook's messenger is fucking cruel just like that, because it shows you that the person saw your text AND THEN decided not to respond to it
  • Kelsey: yup
  • me: worst fucking feeling there is
  • Kelsey: similar kind of thing
  • anyways, i spent about 10 minutes looking on petfinder and it made me much happier than any time i've ever spent on tinder
  • me: hahahahaha
  • amazing
  • _____________________________________________
  • Ways in which pets are better than Tinder: ALL OF THE WAYS

Zombie Dreams

  • Nate: wow that was an epic nap
  • me: how long?
  • Nate: 5 hrs
  • no 4
  • me: yeah man, that's no nap
  • that's a sleep
  • Nate: and i had awesome dreams about zombies
  • me: sickkkk
  • kill any good ones?
  • Nate: only one
  • and that was in a flashback scene
  • me: better than none
  • oh
  • Nate: it was more like the end of a zombie movie
  • apparently in this scenario the sun was turning people into zombies
  • and for some reason i thought i was particularly susceptible
  • so i was standing next to my window and tried to get in the sun and i felt fine so i was really happy
  • and then i was talking to my parents about how it might not be a great idea and to just keep it chill for a bit longer just in case
  • and i got a note from a doctor about some prescription meds
  • and i talked to my brother about that time we killed that crackhead zombie with a shovel
  • me: hahahahahaha
  • those crackhead zombies are seriously the worst
  • Nate: apparenlty he wanted a lighter
  • so he might not have actually been a zombie at all hahaha
  • me: yeah, but is there a practical difference between a crackhead and a zombie?
  • Nate: not necessarily
  • _______________________________________
  • Zombies probably have better breath.

snow-pocalypse part... whatever

  • me: more snow comin'
  • 8-10 inches late tonight / early tomorrow morning
  • Scott: HORSESHIT
  • me: yes that about sums it up
  • __________________________________
  • Metro Detroit has seen 84.1 inches of snow this season. The record is 93.6 inches, set in 1880-81. There are 9 days left this season.

On Tinder

  • me: I'm going to message that artsy girl one more time tonight. I'm breaking my own rule
  • if this ship is going down, it's going down in flames god damn it
  • Kelsey: sometimes you gotta break the rules
  • me: like a good cop drama
  • Kelsey: i broke the rules with that british guy, but it was the same thing
  • going down in flames
  • and one more message isn't that creepy
  • multiple more messages is bad though
  • me: oh yeah
  • that's treading obsessive waters
  • and at that point it's not about the other person, it's about you
  • and I may be pathetic, but I'm not desperate
  • or, is it the other way?
  • I'm both, aren't I?
  • Kelsey: lol
  • ____________________________________________
  • But at least I'm not blogging abo- aww hamburgers

Hello Again

  • me: What's going on this weekend?
  • Nate: Tonight i'm going to see the flaming lips and tame impala in concert
  • at my fav venue
  • tomorrow is football and trivia
  • me: Wuh huuuut that sounds dope
  • Nate: Sunday is a frisbee doubleheader
  • what about you?
  • me: Tonight there's a young professionals soiree downtown, on the rooftop of the opera house
  • gonna jazz it up there
  • Nate: that sounds cool too
  • me: Then Saturday I've got an OKC date
  • Nate: Why are you going to oklahoma city for a date?
  • jay kaaaay i knew what you meant
  • me: Was gonna make an oklahoma city bombing joke but couldn't make it work
  • perhaps there is hope for my soul after all
  • Nate: haha mayhaps
  • i gotta poop
  • me: me too!!!!
  • Nate: so there is no hope for the toilet's soul
  • me: RACE YOU THERE
  • Nate: hurray!
  • ________________________________________
  • Nope, no hope for my soul

Roadragon

  • me: I want a motorcycle
  • Nate: no you dont
  • i mean maybe you do but your friends and family don't want you to have one
  • haha
  • me: it's a myth that everyone who owns a motorcycle is eaten by a dragon
  • that's an urban legend
  • Nate: is it though?
  • road dragons
  • with yellow teeth that go on for miles
  • and scales made of concrete
  • me: fine
  • if I get a motorcycle, I will never drive it on roads
  • I will only use it to jump over pools filled with sharks
  • are you happy?
  • Nate: yes
  • you can use it to jump through fire hoops too
  • me: that's just reckless
  • so I'm totally going to do it
  • Nate: more like wreck-less
  • me: lol
  • Nate: yuk yuk yuk
  • ________________________________________________________
  • Nate: do you still keep up the blog?
  • because i feel like i've been pretty funny lately