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Conversations from the internet.

By Beenplumb.

Adventures in Comcast Xfinity Chat

  • Kristian: Benjamin, here's what I will do to resolve your issue. I will resent [sic] the CPNI at your home addres [sic] via UPS and you will receive it within 3-5 business days. Once you already have the pin, you can chat back so we can reset the password. Would that be fine?
  • Benjamin_: do I have another choice?
  • Benjamin_: 3 to 5 business days seems like a long time for a seemingly simple problem
  • Kristian: I understand, Since you have phone service, it's an added security to protect your Voice online features..
  • Kristian: Do you have a handset that we can connect on your Comcast modem?
  • Benjamin_: no, I don't have a land line
  • Benjamin_: I never asked for voice service. When I signed up for Comcast service, I specifically asked not to have the voice service on my account
  • Benjamin_: I only wanted Internet and TV
  • Benjamin_: they gave me this service anyways, and now I'm being punished because I never set it up
  • Benjamin_: it is preventing me from using the online features that I'm paying for
  • Benjamin_: do you understand how frustrating it is to be a Comcast customer, when the company can't get basic things like this right?
  • Kristian: I apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you.
  • Benjamin_: Comcast is one of the wealthiest, most profitable organizations on the planet, with millions of customers. How can they be this terrible at servicing them?
  • Kristian: Benjamin, I suggest for you to call our Technical team at 1-888-739-1379. Rest assured that they will assist you further is resetting the password.
  • Benjamin_: Kristian, you are already the third person I've talked to today. I do not want to talk to a fourth
  • Benjamin_: please have the CPNI resent to my house.
  • Benjamin_: I'll deal with this when I receive it
  • Kristian: I have successfully request for the Welcome letter with the CPNI pin to be sent to your home address. My apologies for your continued frustration. Rest assured that once you receive it, we can help you to fix this issue.
  • Benjamin_: okay
  • Kristian: We resolve your issue today by checking your account and I resent the CPNI pin at your home address via mail. Res [sic] assured that you will receive it within 3-5 business days.
  • Kristian: Just to check, was I able to provide all of the information that you needed here in this chat with no further actions required?
  • Benjamin_: Kristian, I have no doubt that you did the best you could.
  • Benjamin_: but you were not able to provide the information I need.
  • Benjamin_: clearly there are further actions required, because I now have to wait 5 days for this stupid PIN number to arrive, and then begin a whole new adventure with Comcast customer service
  • Benjamin_: I don't blame you personally. I blame Comcast as an organization. They continue to impress and bewilder me with their institutional failure to adequately serve their customers
  • Kristian: I understand.
  • Kristian: I really appreciate working with you today. Is there anything else that I can assist you with? I am more than glad to help you out further.
  • Benjamin_: no, that will be all
  • ______________________________________________________
  • This is the company that wants to acquire Time Warner to essentially become America's only major cable provider. We are all so very, very doomed.
  • me: sorry again for sending you a picture of my butt last night :(
  • Caitlin: hahaha
  • i didn't even realize it was a butt
  • me: ... well that cats out of the bag now
  • Caitlin: you tryna send that to Liz?
  • me: yeah she's pretty into that kinda stuff
  • Caitlin: nuts to butts allllllll day
  • me: lolol yup this is going on my blog
  • Caitlin: i made it!?
  • me: ding ding ding! you're a winner!
  • Caitlin: dreams do come true!
  • ____________________________________________________
  • I'm laughing now, but the bruise looks like the eye of Sauron

Ants

  • Kelsey: i feel like i know what you're going to say to this question
  • but
  • should i not text jeff anymore?
  • like unless he texts me?
  • me: 100% do not text him
  • Kelsey: :(
  • me: I know
  • Kelsey: but what if he never texts me again evverrrr
  • me: then he's a bastard and he doesn't deserve to be texted by you
  • if I had a dollar for every girl who I wished would text me back I'd be a wealthy man
  • alas
  • dating is a cruel child wielding a magnifying glass, and we are ants
  • Kelsey: yeah it's dumb
  • ___________________________________________________
  • So are we.

MFH

  • me: you back in the office?
  • Kelsey: MFH
  • didn't get in until 3
  • me: what is mfh
  • mathing from home?
  • Kelsey: lol
  • clearly i'm mell rested
  • me: hahaha
  • Kelsey: sometimes i feel like i have mild dyslexia
  • me: I get that sometimes
  • mostly with typics
  • typics?????
  • Typing*
  • maybe we should both be mfw
  • ________________________________
  • Every day is a constant smruggle

Ants in my Pants

  • Nate: i just went to get coffee
  • and there is a middle schooler there
  • and she goes 'you have ants all over you'
  • and i was like 'where'
  • and she goes 'your backside'
  • 1) why was a middle schooler looking at my butt
  • 2) perfect opportunity to say i have ants in my pants
  • _________________________________________
  • That is all.

The Brutality of Technology

  • me: hey maybe his car just exploded and he's dead
  • would you know?
  • Kelsey: yes
  • we text over this app that lets you see the last time the person was using it
  • me: God technology is brutal
  • Facebook's messenger is fucking cruel just like that, because it shows you that the person saw your text AND THEN decided not to respond to it
  • Kelsey: yup
  • me: worst fucking feeling there is
  • Kelsey: similar kind of thing
  • anyways, i spent about 10 minutes looking on petfinder and it made me much happier than any time i've ever spent on tinder
  • me: hahahahaha
  • amazing
  • _____________________________________________
  • Ways in which pets are better than Tinder: ALL OF THE WAYS

Zombie Dreams

  • Nate: wow that was an epic nap
  • me: how long?
  • Nate: 5 hrs
  • no 4
  • me: yeah man, that's no nap
  • that's a sleep
  • Nate: and i had awesome dreams about zombies
  • me: sickkkk
  • kill any good ones?
  • Nate: only one
  • and that was in a flashback scene
  • me: better than none
  • oh
  • Nate: it was more like the end of a zombie movie
  • apparently in this scenario the sun was turning people into zombies
  • and for some reason i thought i was particularly susceptible
  • so i was standing next to my window and tried to get in the sun and i felt fine so i was really happy
  • and then i was talking to my parents about how it might not be a great idea and to just keep it chill for a bit longer just in case
  • and i got a note from a doctor about some prescription meds
  • and i talked to my brother about that time we killed that crackhead zombie with a shovel
  • me: hahahahahaha
  • those crackhead zombies are seriously the worst
  • Nate: apparenlty he wanted a lighter
  • so he might not have actually been a zombie at all hahaha
  • me: yeah, but is there a practical difference between a crackhead and a zombie?
  • Nate: not necessarily
  • _______________________________________
  • Zombies probably have better breath.

snow-pocalypse part... whatever

  • me: more snow comin'
  • 8-10 inches late tonight / early tomorrow morning
  • Scott: HORSESHIT
  • me: yes that about sums it up
  • __________________________________
  • Metro Detroit has seen 84.1 inches of snow this season. The record is 93.6 inches, set in 1880-81. There are 9 days left this season.

On Tinder

  • me: I'm going to message that artsy girl one more time tonight. I'm breaking my own rule
  • if this ship is going down, it's going down in flames god damn it
  • Kelsey: sometimes you gotta break the rules
  • me: like a good cop drama
  • Kelsey: i broke the rules with that british guy, but it was the same thing
  • going down in flames
  • and one more message isn't that creepy
  • multiple more messages is bad though
  • me: oh yeah
  • that's treading obsessive waters
  • and at that point it's not about the other person, it's about you
  • and I may be pathetic, but I'm not desperate
  • or, is it the other way?
  • I'm both, aren't I?
  • Kelsey: lol
  • ____________________________________________
  • But at least I'm not blogging abo- aww hamburgers

Hello Again

  • me: What's going on this weekend?
  • Nate: Tonight i'm going to see the flaming lips and tame impala in concert
  • at my fav venue
  • tomorrow is football and trivia
  • me: Wuh huuuut that sounds dope
  • Nate: Sunday is a frisbee doubleheader
  • what about you?
  • me: Tonight there's a young professionals soiree downtown, on the rooftop of the opera house
  • gonna jazz it up there
  • Nate: that sounds cool too
  • me: Then Saturday I've got an OKC date
  • Nate: Why are you going to oklahoma city for a date?
  • jay kaaaay i knew what you meant
  • me: Was gonna make an oklahoma city bombing joke but couldn't make it work
  • perhaps there is hope for my soul after all
  • Nate: haha mayhaps
  • i gotta poop
  • me: me too!!!!
  • Nate: so there is no hope for the toilet's soul
  • me: RACE YOU THERE
  • Nate: hurray!
  • ________________________________________
  • Nope, no hope for my soul