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Conversations from the internet.

By Beenplumb.

Ants in my Pants

  • Nate: i just went to get coffee
  • and there is a middle schooler there
  • and she goes 'you have ants all over you'
  • and i was like 'where'
  • and she goes 'your backside'
  • 1) why was a middle schooler looking at my butt
  • 2) perfect opportunity to say i have ants in my pants
  • _________________________________________
  • That is all.

The Brutality of Technology

  • me: hey maybe his car just exploded and he's dead
  • would you know?
  • Kelsey: yes
  • we text over this app that lets you see the last time the person was using it
  • me: God technology is brutal
  • Facebook's messenger is fucking cruel just like that, because it shows you that the person saw your text AND THEN decided not to respond to it
  • Kelsey: yup
  • me: worst fucking feeling there is
  • Kelsey: similar kind of thing
  • anyways, i spent about 10 minutes looking on petfinder and it made me much happier than any time i've ever spent on tinder
  • me: hahahahaha
  • amazing
  • _____________________________________________
  • Ways in which pets are better than Tinder: ALL OF THE WAYS

Zombie Dreams

  • Nate: wow that was an epic nap
  • me: how long?
  • Nate: 5 hrs
  • no 4
  • me: yeah man, that's no nap
  • that's a sleep
  • Nate: and i had awesome dreams about zombies
  • me: sickkkk
  • kill any good ones?
  • Nate: only one
  • and that was in a flashback scene
  • me: better than none
  • oh
  • Nate: it was more like the end of a zombie movie
  • apparently in this scenario the sun was turning people into zombies
  • and for some reason i thought i was particularly susceptible
  • so i was standing next to my window and tried to get in the sun and i felt fine so i was really happy
  • and then i was talking to my parents about how it might not be a great idea and to just keep it chill for a bit longer just in case
  • and i got a note from a doctor about some prescription meds
  • and i talked to my brother about that time we killed that crackhead zombie with a shovel
  • me: hahahahahaha
  • those crackhead zombies are seriously the worst
  • Nate: apparenlty he wanted a lighter
  • so he might not have actually been a zombie at all hahaha
  • me: yeah, but is there a practical difference between a crackhead and a zombie?
  • Nate: not necessarily
  • _______________________________________
  • Zombies probably have better breath.

snow-pocalypse part... whatever

  • me: more snow comin'
  • 8-10 inches late tonight / early tomorrow morning
  • Scott: HORSESHIT
  • me: yes that about sums it up
  • __________________________________
  • Metro Detroit has seen 84.1 inches of snow this season. The record is 93.6 inches, set in 1880-81. There are 9 days left this season.

On Tinder

  • me: I'm going to message that artsy girl one more time tonight. I'm breaking my own rule
  • if this ship is going down, it's going down in flames god damn it
  • Kelsey: sometimes you gotta break the rules
  • me: like a good cop drama
  • Kelsey: i broke the rules with that british guy, but it was the same thing
  • going down in flames
  • and one more message isn't that creepy
  • multiple more messages is bad though
  • me: oh yeah
  • that's treading obsessive waters
  • and at that point it's not about the other person, it's about you
  • and I may be pathetic, but I'm not desperate
  • or, is it the other way?
  • I'm both, aren't I?
  • Kelsey: lol
  • ____________________________________________
  • But at least I'm not blogging abo- aww hamburgers

Hello Again

  • me: What's going on this weekend?
  • Nate: Tonight i'm going to see the flaming lips and tame impala in concert
  • at my fav venue
  • tomorrow is football and trivia
  • me: Wuh huuuut that sounds dope
  • Nate: Sunday is a frisbee doubleheader
  • what about you?
  • me: Tonight there's a young professionals soiree downtown, on the rooftop of the opera house
  • gonna jazz it up there
  • Nate: that sounds cool too
  • me: Then Saturday I've got an OKC date
  • Nate: Why are you going to oklahoma city for a date?
  • jay kaaaay i knew what you meant
  • me: Was gonna make an oklahoma city bombing joke but couldn't make it work
  • perhaps there is hope for my soul after all
  • Nate: haha mayhaps
  • i gotta poop
  • me: me too!!!!
  • Nate: so there is no hope for the toilet's soul
  • me: RACE YOU THERE
  • Nate: hurray!
  • ________________________________________
  • Nope, no hope for my soul

Roadragon

  • me: I want a motorcycle
  • Nate: no you dont
  • i mean maybe you do but your friends and family don't want you to have one
  • haha
  • me: it's a myth that everyone who owns a motorcycle is eaten by a dragon
  • that's an urban legend
  • Nate: is it though?
  • road dragons
  • with yellow teeth that go on for miles
  • and scales made of concrete
  • me: fine
  • if I get a motorcycle, I will never drive it on roads
  • I will only use it to jump over pools filled with sharks
  • are you happy?
  • Nate: yes
  • you can use it to jump through fire hoops too
  • me: that's just reckless
  • so I'm totally going to do it
  • Nate: more like wreck-less
  • me: lol
  • Nate: yuk yuk yuk
  • ________________________________________________________
  • Nate: do you still keep up the blog?
  • because i feel like i've been pretty funny lately

Deep Thoughts

  • Scott: Man, do you ever feel like you're a fictional character that represents a collective of others' consciences?
  • me: hahahahahaha
  • nah man
  • I don't think that one's crossed my mind
  • Scott: Uhhhh. Me neither. :|
  • me: lollll
  • I do get the Truman Show effect from time to time, though
  • I think everyone probably does
  • the feeling like your life is a TV show, and everyone is in on it except you
  • my solution for that, since there's truly no way of ever knowing, is to live a life that would be entertaining for the viewing audience
  • Scott: Haha, well fucking said
  • also, agree 100%
  • some of the shit that happens in my life I'm all "Dayum, people would definitely pay to watch this"
  • most of it not though
  • me: lol
  • __________________________________________________
  • Especially all the naked scratching. Not so good for the television, methinks.

Next Level Shit.

  • Scott: DOOOOOOD
  • That would be awesome.
  • Next level shit.
  • Do it
  • me: "O LET DOOOO IT. O LET DOOOOO IT"
  • stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/159466_o.gif'
  • Scott: You're ridiculous.
  • ________________________________________
  • That kinda morning.

Redshift

  • me: btw, this is what a Redshift is: wikipedia.org/wiki/Redshift
  • that's what I named our first song. The one I think we should open our shows with
  • Scott: Dawg, I studied physics
  • Redshift = doppler effect applied to light
  • me: haha cool
  • JUST CHECKIN
  • Scott: Word, I appreciate it.
  • me: I took an astronomy class in college, and that was by far the coolest term I remember
  • Scott: You know how when a train is coming and the whistle is higher, then when it passes, the pitch drops?
  • me: I know what the doppler effect is
  • Scott: lol
  • JUST CHECKIN
  • me: hahaha
  • Scott: :P
  • ________________________________________________________
  • Also discussed: Ultraviolet Catastrophe. Stay tuned.