PROC SQL Running

Deep Thoughts

Thu, 02 May 2013 13:33:10 -0400

Scott: Man, do you ever feel like you're a fictional character that represents a collective of others' consciences?
me: hahahahahaha
nah man
I don't think that one's crossed my mind
Scott: Uhhhh. Me neither. :|
me: lollll
I do get the Truman Show effect from time to time, though
I think everyone probably does
the feeling like your life is a TV show, and everyone is in on it except you
my solution for that, since there's truly no way of ever knowing, is to live a life that would be entertaining for the viewing audience
Scott: Haha, well fucking said
also, agree 100%
some of the shit that happens in my life I'm all "Dayum, people would definitely pay to watch this"
most of it not though
me: lol
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Especially all the naked scratching. Not so good for the television, methinks.

Next Level Shit.

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 11:42:59 -0500

Scott: DOOOOOOD
That would be awesome.
Next level shit.
Do it
me: "O LET DOOOO IT. O LET DOOOOO IT"
stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/159466_o.gif'
Scott: You're ridiculous.
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That kinda morning.

Redshift

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 10:31:06 -0500

me: btw, this is what a Redshift is: wikipedia.org/wiki/Redshift
that's what I named our first song. The one I think we should open our shows with
Scott: Dawg, I studied physics
Redshift = doppler effect applied to light
me: haha cool
JUST CHECKIN
Scott: Word, I appreciate it.
me: I took an astronomy class in college, and that was by far the coolest term I remember
Scott: You know how when a train is coming and the whistle is higher, then when it passes, the pitch drops?
me: I know what the doppler effect is
Scott: lol
JUST CHECKIN
me: hahaha
Scott: :P
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Also discussed: Ultraviolet Catastrophe. Stay tuned.

Standoff at the Ol' Rusty Bedpan

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 16:16:41 -0500

Nate: but yeah
so I walk around with my white jacket and my stethoscope and my pager
no wonder i get asked daily if i'm a physician
and you gotta walk quickly. its like a law in hospitals
you always have to look like you're in a huge rush
haha
me: haha
I imagine that if you were just derpin' around the halls, with your hands in your pockets, lookin' out of windows and shit, a robot would come out from a hidden door in a nearby wall, print a termination letter out of a slot in it's chest, hand it to you, and then boot you out of the door
Nate: haha
if only they were that efficient here
...
[receives text that Nate did, in fact, see a robot in the hospital]
LATER ...
Nate: I literally lol'd in the hallway when i saw that robot
me: hahaha
makes sense
Nate: but then i felt bad that i was going to get a text in the ICU so i turned off my phone haha
me: in my mind this is how that scene played out;
you're walking down the hallway, prolly derpin' it up
robot rounds a corner, stares at you
you stop immediately in your tracks
you meet eyes
you stand in silence for a full 20 seconds
the camera (there's a camera) closes up on your eyes
the robot's eye
your eyes
the camera pans, the robot turns on it's treads, and exits the frame
you breathe a sigh of relief, and carry on your way
Nate: do i look nervous or determined?
me: both. Maybe a drip of perspiration forms on your brow
Nate: standoff at the ol' rusty bedpan
me: God this is going in my blog, so hard
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Hospo-bot is always watching.

THE AIR YOU BREATHE

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:26:40 -0500

me: I think hummus gives me gas
which is unfortunate, because I eat it every single day
easthasting: Ben, it's time for science
if you eat it every day, there's no definitive proof that it's the humus
it could be THE AIR YOU BREATHE
me: ... my God ...
easthasting: just sayin'
me: I think I need to go to a hospital
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Just to be safe.

Mo' Responsibility

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 12:14:50 -0500

me: it's official
Excel has beaten me
(and Lori, which is truly a feat)
Kelsey: wow
does that mean we can all go home?
me: it means we HAVE to go home, actually
direct quote from Microsoft's bylaws- "If ever our product is found to have bested its user in such a capacity as to restrict the user from 'getting it right', 'doing shit right', or 'completing necessary tasks', the user shall be barred from using said product, and indeed must desist and refrain from work-related activities until such a time as the program can be defeated. All hail Emperor Gates."
it's for our own safety, really
Kelsey: woo hoo!
....
Kelsey: you know the mantra "mo money, mo problems"
me: not sure how that applies, but I'll roll with it
Kelsey: i'm changing the subject
so, i think that when that mantra is applied to a business setting, it should read like this-
"mo' responsibility, maybe mo' money but probably not, mo' problems, and now other people's problems too"
me: lol
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I guess this is being a grown up.

Too Much Butter

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 12:07:00 -0500

me: elaborate
with respect to coding weird shit
how do you do that?
Nate: well for example
244 *CHI- oh [/] they're just, um +...
245 *EXP1- what's he got on his [>]
246 *CHI- <> [/] they're playin(g) a game. [<]
there is a series of three utterances
where first the child stutters on the words 'they're just'
then the child trails off
then the experimenter and the child interrupt each other
and while the child is interrupting the experimenter she also stutters
without correction
me: hahaha
that shit's a mess
Nate: if she stuttered with a correction it would be coded with two slashes
yes. this shit IS a mess
it's horrid
me: but you get paid the monies for that?
Nate: yes
this is my absolute least favorite thing to do in the lab that i get paid for
there are much easier and less frustrating things that i can do
but i was looking at the work log and saw that i stopped doing this kid in like mid December and realized i had to go back and finish
so i'm finishing
me: gotcha
so it's not you talking to that kid?
some other dude, and you're just transcribing their conversation?
Nate: no
well
sort of
there are actually three experimenters in this video
i say like 1 or 2 things
another person says like 4 or 5 things
and the primary experimenter says everything else pretty much
the whole point is to analyze the kid's speech
*CHI- xxx too much &fr +...
there's another good one
the kid is trying to say 'that is too much butter'
she actually said 'tu buh too much ber' and then trailed off
so that's how i transcribe that
me: hahaha
"CHI" = child, I assume?
...
this whole project is bupkiss
me: lol
bupkiss is a good word
Chelsea's been teaching me a ton of cool jewish words
or yiddish words
or whatever
Nate: haha yeah
yiddish is fun
they have really great phrases and sayings and stuff
like mishuguna shuck
which means crazy penis
me: hahahahahahaha
tmb, man
tmb
Nate: too much butter?
me: yes!!!
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Long post today. Lots of butter.

For Your Health

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 10:56:57 -0500

me: did you know most of your antibodies and junk that helps fight off illness lives in your gut?
Nate: what about white blood cells?
me: nope those don't exist actually
Nate: haha
wow. I definitely didn't know that.
me: they're just something health teachers made up to keep kids from smoking cigarettes
Nate: yeah
right
i always wondered why they always show pictures of white blood cells smoking cigarettes in all the health books
me: also, your tonsils help determine what color your hair is
that's why people who dye their hair don't have tonsils
Nate: lymph nodes are actually pronounced 'limp nodes'
they are what help you limp when you hurt your leg
me: hahahaha
the more you know
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If you or someone you know wants to know more about health, just ask this blog! God bless!

Pow, Right in the Kisser

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 11:16:28 -0500

Scott: Jesus
lol
me: there's a lot to love about that .gif
but mostly, it's this simple fact
there's no way that guy didn't know that kid was standing right there
no way
he god damn looks RIGHT at him
and still goes through with what he must know is certain death, for that child
Scott: :)
me: plus
that guy is secretly a hero
Scott: How so?
me: no one will ever admit it, but deep in your heart of hearts, you know if given the chance to don an over-sized cat-helmet and whomp a kid in the mouth with your foot, and get away scot-free, you'd do it without a second thought
Scott: Lol, you're a monster, Plum.
me: I accept this
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http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1384331/willie-wildcat-kicks-baby_medium.gif

Infinitely Overheard

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 12:05:14 -0500

noahgeb: also, Infinity Overhead is an extreme disappointment
me: I'm so glad you say that
because every time I listen to it, I'm really let down
noahgeb: it's just so lazy, I feel lazy listening to it.
Diamond lightning is the only salvageable song from it
me: I feel like the first song is a great indicator of that
you pop it in, hit play, and that song just says "You are not going to have a great time listening to this record. You can try. Good luck with it. But we don't think you will."
noahgeb: diamond lightning, cold company, empty party rooms. and those are all the ones I can make it through
what happened to lemurs man lemurs, that's a song
me: whatever happened to Drilling?
that's a song you can set your watch to
They should've named it Infinity Overheard
because the whole album sounds like a really boring conversation that's going on around you, that you're half-assedly paying attention to
even with the buds directly in your ears, it's almost impossible to give it anything more than a passing nod, and really you're more annoyed by its persistence than anything
and on and on it goes, seemingly to infinity
infinitely overheard
noahgeb: hahahahaha
it's just a bad album
I wish they'd just stop doing this half electronica/pop bs
get back to gloomy seattle math rock
that's what we all signed up for
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I used to really like Minus the Bear. Now they're just a band I used to know.

PTSD

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 13:41:34 -0500

me: Sometimes I remember that I lived in Cleveland, OH for a year
and I reach into my mouth to check and make sure all of my teeth are still there
This is completely involuntary, and completely necessary
Chelsea: "I'd rather be dead in Michigan than alive in Ohio"
me: man, if I had a nickle for every time I uttered that to myself during that year
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Worst. State. Ever.

Nate: aw man

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 10:55:53 -0500

Nate: aw man
I didn't get my free bloomin' onion yesterday
me: lol
that's okay
Nate: it would have been the saddest bloomin onion i'll ever eat
me: it probably would've been a pretty sad bloomin' onion
hahahahaha
to the blog with this conversation
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The format of this blog doesn't lend proper credence to the fact those statements were made at almost the exact same time.

This was a dumb post.

Riot Status

Sat, 29 Dec 2012 12:38:09 -0500

Chelsea: Were the riots in East Lansing race-based?
me: no
their
hahahaha
wait for it
haha
their sports teams lost
... I'll let that sink in a minute
Chelsea: i have no words.
me: hahahahaha
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Not sure how better to describe Michigan State University

Lisa Frank as a Verb

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 14:23:26 -0500

Nate: so apparently
when you order stuff from urban outfitters around Christmas
they send you a bunch of lisa frank stickers
so now I'm putting Lisa Frank shit all over Megan's gifts and it's funny
me: hahahahahaha
God bless this country
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It's funny because it's funny AND because he's Jewish, you guys.

Scott's Girlfriend

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 16:19:00 -0500

Scott: So i thought amy was flying in Thursday
turns out its wednesday
lol
she just sent me this message, I WILL ARRIVE IN DETROIT AT 940 PM WED
BE THERE
me: hahaha hopefully in all caps with no punctuation
Scott: a direct quote
me: your girlfriend is a cat from the internet
Scott: haha
very true
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Scott, your girlfriend! Meow!

Quick and to the Pointless

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 11:01:48 -0500

Kelsey: are you "the boy from the cube with the face and the hair"?
me: yeah, that's me alright
________________________________
Who else could it possibly be?

Great Expectations

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 12:19:24 -0500

me: so [REDACTED] and I are going out to dinner on Friday night
Scott: is this the first official date?
me: yeah, I think so
I mean we've had cute dinners between the two of us, but they've never been out
so this is that
Scott: Where ya going?
plans after?
Who asked who?
You paying?
me: Somewhere for Sushi
no established post-dinner plans
(I would like to take her to the wine bar downtown)
I asked her
I am going to pay
Scott: I love sushi, asshole.
everything else checks out
:)
me: lol
I am going to be looking for this to turn into something
if we don't kiss after this date... or something to indicate that there's a legitimate romantic future for us, then I'm probably going to call it off
I can't keep getting strung along
Scott: Word.
In that case, good luck!
me: I am getting the impression it's not going to happen.
so I'm tempering my expectations appropriately
luckily I have a MIDI controller I can invest my energy into / focus on, because I imagine when this all falls apart it's probably going to hurt pretty bad
Scott: It will make for great sad/angry songs... :/
me: yeah.
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Crunch time.

UPS

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 16:07:35 -0500

me: I really hope UPS doesn't do the trick where they try to leave the package but no one's home so they keep it at the warehouse or something stupid
seems like they always wait until they have something I really want to pull that trick
otherwise they just leave it on the porch
Nate: hahaha
its true
they do that when you want something the most
me: exactly
part of me is cool with it, because its Detroit
which is to say, essentially the wild west
I guess I'd rather have my stuff looked after at UPS than stolen
but also, no one lives in Detroit! If no one lives here, no one can steal my junk
Nate: that's definitely true
thats why detroit has the lowest crime rate per capita
oh... wait... thats the opposite of what is true
me: hahahahaha
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But really, nobody else lives here!

Nonsense

Thu, 01 Nov 2012 12:08:32 -0400

easthasting: but i want a desktop, anyway
my laptop is nice,
but i really do want to build something myself
put in some hydrolic cooling systems
me: word, yo
easthasting: some liquid helium shit
ya mean?
i want something so badass that I have to have a bath of coolant to run this mo fo, like in sunshine
me: rocket boosters
don't forget those
you'll be sorry
easthasting: oh, don't worry
this thing will be loaded with NAS
err
me: lol
the rapper?
easthasting: NOX
me: the trumpet player?
easthasting: nitrus oxide.
me: purple's a fruit.
easthasting: Gilespe?
me: Gisele Bündchen
easthasting: Dizzy Gillespie yo
he'll be all up in my skynet
me: okay, I'm shutting this down before it gets further out of control
enough is enough
easthasting: lol
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What was the point of this post? What is the point of anything?

Sore Cheeks

Thu, 01 Nov 2012 10:31:28 -0400

me: ready to get sick?
this is probably the cutest thing you'll hear all morning
and it's guaranteed to make you sick
Scott: let's hear it
me: my face hurts
like, my cheeks are sore today
Scott: from?
me: from smiling
last night
Scott: brb
me: lol
Scott: media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mckmmzrLL81qbnggp.jpg
me: HAHAHAHAHA
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Welcome, Scott, to Proc SQL Running. It's all downhill from here, my friend.